


how many nights does it take to count the stars

by Is_Olivia_even_a_person



Series: the ending they deserved [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Romantic Fluff, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24929224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Is_Olivia_even_a_person/pseuds/Is_Olivia_even_a_person
Summary: Just Rey and Ben stargazing together...********I never thought I would start writing fan fiction, but here we go. It's been six months and I'm still mad at Tros. Every character was done dirty... Ben and Rey deserved better
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: the ending they deserved [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2083953
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35





	how many nights does it take to count the stars

Again. Another sleepless night. Rey tosses around in her bed, unable to find rest.  
With a sigh she gets up, her hair a mess and feeling sleep deprived and exhausted. She bites her lip, brushing her hair behind her ear. 

It’s been one month since Exegol. One month since she hasn’t slept a single night, still haunted by Palpatine’s voice in her nightmares.  
One month since she almost died, since _he_ sacrificed himself to save her. Since she almost lost him, her equal in the Force.

Rey shakes her head, she doesn’t want to think about that day anymore. She is so tired of everything, especially of the role she has to play for the galaxy… and her friends.  
The brave Jedi who saved the galaxy from unfathomable evil… and now being urged to help rebuild the galaxy as a hero and leader.  
She is not who they think she is. She hasn’t told her friends what happened on Exegol yet. She doesn’t know how, doesn’t find the words to explain what happened. 

She is restless and tired, all the time; at day she keeps herself busy, a weak attempt to block out her thoughts about Exegol and Palpatine.  
She doesn’t want to think about that monster being related to her. At night, however, her thoughts wander, tormenting her quietly. 

Rey decides with a sigh that she won’t find sleep tonight. Again. She gets up and leaves her room quietly, not caring to make her hair or to dress properly.  
The Resistance’s base is quiet; everbody is fast asleep in the middle of the night. Well except for her. 

Rey leaves the base with big steps. She knows exactly where she is going. Living on Ajan Kloss for more than a year, Rey had found a secret place for herself some time ago, where she flees to when she needs time alone.  
She still isn’t used to having people around her all the time; it was exhausting when she only was the hero of the Resistance, but now after Exegol….  
Everybody wants to see her, talk to her and be close to her. It’s horrible, most of the times she flees into the jungle to the place where she is heading now.

It’s a warm and humid night, the sky is pitch-black. Sometimes Rey catches a glimpse or two through the treetops of two crescent moons rising in the east and countless stars shining tonight.  
Nature is alive all around her; she can feel the presence of million of living-beings in the Force and hears them scratching and scurrying around her. 

Finally Rey arrives at her secret place. It’s on top of a cliff. There the jungle retreats to an open plain. At the peak of the cliff Rey can oversee the whole valley stretching beneath her towards the horizon. A river flows peacefully through the valley and the jungle beneath her is full of life. 

Rey lays down, feeling the soft grass under her hands and closes her eyes.  
Breathing in slowly she lets the Force flow through her. She is feeling better; the shadows of her nightmares almost gone. 

When she opens her eyes again, she feels a familiar nudge in the Force. She smiles.  
Ben appears next to her, lying in the grass. He is awake, but he looks like he just woke up from a deep sleep. His hair is a wavy mess and he has dark shadows under his eyes. His clothes are crinkled. 

He seems confused for a second, but when his gaze meets hers his face lights up. "Rey“ his voice is even deeper than usual, sending shivers through her body.  
"Are you outside… ?“ he asks. "I couldn’t sleep“ she replies, her voice soft only a murmur. 

Ben is quiet for a moment, considering her answer. "Nightmares again?“ she nods, unable to talk about it. She can feel his sorrow and compassion through the bond.  
He knows what she feels like, being haunted by voices in his head and nightmares for almost his entire life. 

"I don’t want talk about them“ she says quietly into the night. _"Not yet.“_ She didn’t mean to send her thought through the bond, and she shifts.  
_"It’s fine. I’ll be there for you when you need to talk.“_ Rey gives him a small smile. 

Ben turns away from Rey, leaving her to her thoughts. His eyes widen and he stares at the night sky with awe.  
"I can see your surroundings. I can see the jungle, the stars“ he seems overwhelmed by his discovery.  
"I can’t see yours. It’s like you’re really here with me.“ On Ajan Kloss instead of being light-years away, hiding on Ahch-To. Her heart aches….  
Sometimes she whishes he could be here with her, but she know it isn’t possible. _Yet_

He is quiet for a few moments. "The bond is getting stronger.“ It’s a simple statement, and Rey knows he is right.  
Since Exegol their bond, their conncetion is stronger than ever before. Rey always feels him through the bond, a faint presence in her consciousness.  
She can feel his emotions, his feeling and thoughts as if they were her own.

Maybe they were. Ben told her, and Palpatine, that they are a dyad in the Force. One soul in two bodies, inseparably connected by the Force.  
When Ben came back to her on Exegol, their connection felt like coming home. It should have always been like this, she knows now… She was so proud of him, knowing her vision from a lonely night came true when they had touched hands across the stars.  
She had finally realized the lonely girl on Jakku never really was alone, their bond already existing and connecting them through space and time.  
Her equal in the Force. The other half of her soul coming to save her. A memorie flashes in her mind. Ben appearing through their bond, messy hair and panting heavily. His small nod that everything will be alright. Her unmeasurable relief that he came for her. Rey smiles silently. 

Rey knew she had died on Exegol, but he had brought her back, saving the one he loved from dying.  
The moment she woke up in his arms again, safe and alive, she had already forgiven him for everything he did. Her heart was full and she had felt his love and happiness radiating through the Force matching hers.  
The dyad was coming together, finally after thousand of years. 

When Rey felt him slip away, her world was shattered. The other half of her soul gone, ripped away from her and leaving behind an open wound.  
She was crying out of desperation and anger. They had finally found each other just to have their incredible connection ripped away, leaving her alone and half of herself missing. 

But the dyad, the Force preserved him from dying. When Ben opened his eyes again, Rey was never happier in her entire life, hugging and clinging to him desperately as if he would disappear again.  
She doesn’t know what she would do if she lost him again, her soul would rip apart. It makes her physically sick to think about losing him…. 

"Don’t“ he says softly. Rey looks at him again, tears forming in her eyes. "Don’t think about it. I’m here now and I won’t leave you.“ _"Never“_ his gentle voice in her head. He must have felt her desperation.  
Ben slowly reaches out and takes her hand, intertwining them. Rey shivers. His hands are warm and soft just like she has always imagined it. She squeezes them gently. The Force is humming between them. 

Rey draws closer, never breaking their touch. Their faces are now only a few inches away from each other. She can feel his breath on her skin making her shiver. She breathes in his scent; he always smells like he has freshly showered.  
Her heart is racing. They haven't been so close since their kiss. Her eyes flicker to his full lips, and she thinks of them tasting him, kissing him like on Exegol.  
She blushes, hoping her thoughts don’t betray her. She is still so uncertain of what their relationship is… 

His face is gentle, he smiles at her like he has on Exegol, relieved and happy after their kiss. Her mind is racing. Slowly she reaches forward with her other hand, and traces along his face where his scar would have been.  
The scar she had given him. The scar she had healed. 

Ben shivers under her touch. Both are overwhelmed by the intensity of their bond, of their connection. They haven’t been so close since Exegol.  
Rey stares a second too long at his soft lips. She blushes again, her skin burning and mind racing. She hopes he can’t see her face because of the dark. 

Swiftly Ben grabs her wrist and presses a gentle kiss to her palm. Rey gasps, her body feeling like a life wire.  
"You’re so beautiful…“ he murmures, more to himself. It is just a whisper, but Rey is sure she heard him right. "Ben“ she breathes his name. She is so close to kissing him…

Suddenly he frowns, the magic spell broken. He reaches out and touches the leather band she is wearing around her arm. "What is this? Are you trying to hide the wound from that day ….“  
Rey sits up and nods. "I’m using it to cover up the scar; it’s too painful to see.“ She pauses. 

"Why?“ Ben asks, afraid of her answer. Rey doesn’t answer; she just slips the leather band from her arm and shows him quietly the scar.  
He gasps when he recognizes what it looks like. Like two hands reaching out for each other. two hands longing for each other across the stars. 

Ben slowly traces the scar with his hand and swallows hard. "Another scar. Because of me….Rey, I’m so sorry. All the pain I caused you…“ his voice cracks.  
His pain and sorrow are radiating through the bond. 

Rey squeezes his hand silently. "We can’t change our past, but we can make ourselves a better future following the right path. You did choose it already; the right path to a happy future, I mean…. I’m so glad you did.“ She adds, her voice is soft.  
Rey looks at the leather band realizing she doesn’t need it anymore. She throws it away and it disappears out of their sight. 

"The moment I woke up in your arms on Exegol, I’ve already forgiven you“ her voice is quiet. "I… I was so close to turning to the dark side, giving in to Palpatine’s wishes and you saved me….“ She looks up with sadness in her eyes. 

Ben is quiet, contemplating what Rey just told him. He knew he didn’t deserve her forgiveness or from any other person. He did unspeakable things.  
Actions that will always haunt him in his dreams, in his waking hours.  
Actions that he’ll regret for his entire life to come.  
That he will never forgive himself for….  
But Rey may be right. 

He sacrificed his life on Exegol. He willingly, even selflessly gave Rey his life, because he knew he couldn’t bear the thought of living in a galaxy without her.  
And it worked. He had saved her from death, he had made his peace with himself in that moment. His last moment of awareness was Rey holding his hand…. 

The Force, however, had other plans. He had been given a second chance at life, even though he may not deserve it. He knew he wouldn’t waste his second chance at life.  
For her sake, more than for his own. Redemption was process that required hard work; it doesn’t mean death.  
He still has a long road ahead, but he won’t give up. 

Without saying a word Ben draws Rey closer, tugging her in his arms. Rey tenses for second, then she melts into his arms.  
Rey is surprised, but it’s a welcome feeling. Her mind is racing and her body shivers everytime they touch skin to skin.  
He is radiating warmth and his sweater is so soft, smelling like him. She listens to his steady breathing and closes her eyes. He calms her, makes her feel good.  
She feels safe, she feels _whole_ again. 

"The stars are beautiful tonight“ she whispers in the dark.  
Above them millions of tiny diamonds are twinkling in the black night sky. Stars of every size and even color, forming different constellations and patterns. The view is overwhelming. 

She can feel Ben slightly moving, his hand combing lazily through her hair. She shivers. _"You’re even more beautiful“_ she hears his voice in her head. Ben stops, tenses. He is nervous, she can tell through the bond. He probably didn’t mean to send that thought through the bond. 

Rey just laughs, sending her approval through the bond. „Thank you“ she can feel him relaxing again, a smile tucking on his lips.  
Rey breathes in and calms down.  
The Force is humming between them; longing, happiness and compassion are radiating around them.  
She can’t tell anymore whether these are her or his feelings, or both. She sighs happily. 

Rey almost drifts to sleep, when Ben’s soft voice wakes her again. "Rey, did you see this? A shooting star!“ he sounds excited. Rey opens her eyes and groans, but she doesn’t regret that he woke her again. 

Millions of stars are still twinkling in the dark sky, but now hundred of falling stars are shooting over the dark sky every few seconds.  
Sometimes in different colors; green and blue flashes up. Rey is stunned; she had never seen so many shooting stars before. 

"Make a wish“ her voice is soft. Ben hums. "I have already everything I wish for….“ he sends her a mental image through the bond.  
Rey gasps. She has seen this before…. In another sleepless night in a lonely hut on Ahch-To.  
Ben sitting in front of her, holding her hand. It was part of her vision of his future, their future. 

It’s them, standing next to each other on an unkown planet. They are at a beach, the sun is setting on the horizon. She sees herself laughing, running towards the waves.  
Then turning around, stretching her hand out for him. Ben takes her hand, but instead of following her he draws her in a tight hug.  
Rey melts against him, nuzzling her head in his hair…. 

Suddenly he seems to lose his confidence, he is almost shy now. "Only if you want to…“ Rey blushes, smiles. „I’d love to have a future … with you.“  
Ben is quiet, but his mind is racing. _"Thank you“_ he sends through the bond _„for believing in me.“_  
Rey just squeezes his hand. 

They stay quiet for a while, silently watching the stars, holding each other. Rey is tired. She yawns and cuddles closer.  
She can’t imagine falling asleep being so close to him, her body shivering every time they touch and butterflies dancing in her belly.  
But when she closes her eyes, she is fast asleep. Her nightmares gone and already forgotten

Rey is stirring. She sighs. Where is she? She slowly opens her eyes, something soft and warm is holding her.  
Her mind is still hazy. Slowly she remembers last night; she couldn‘t sleep, the force bond…  
She bolts up. That something is Ben; she must have fallen asleep last night.  
He groans her name, half asleep. "Rey?“ his voice is deep. 

Rey blushes, relaxing again. „Good morning, sleepy head“ she teases. "It’s too early“ Ben groans and closes his eyes again.  
His hair is a mess.  
Rey watches him amazed. He looks so young when he is half asleep. She shakes her head. 

"This is the longest the Force has ever connected us…“ Rey is talking more to herself, but Ben hears her, seemingly awake now.  
"It’s sun rise already. The force-bond is lasting for hours now.“ Rey nods, her gaze trails to the horizon. 

The dark is vanishing being replaced by a light blue sky and a weak yellow glow over the valley. Rey is mesmerized.  
A beautiful sight to start a new day. 

She turns to Ben, but he is gone.  
Rey sighs, disappointed. She thinks of last night… she has spent the night in his arms and she has never felt safer. She hasn’t slept so well for months. 

She tilts her head, remembering the nights she was alone on Jakku… the nights desperately waiting for sleep to come to forget her loneliness, her missing sense of belonging and waiting for somebody that will never come back. 

"The belonging you seek is not behind, it is ahead“ she whispers to herself and for the first time in more than one year she knows what these words mean.

"Reeeyyy“ she hears the voices of their friends. Of course they are already awake, worrying where she is.  
Rey just gets up when Finn breaks through the jungle, followed by Rose.  
„There are you! We were wondering where you went in the middle of the night.“ Finn hugs her shortly. "Good morning“ replies Rey. 

Finn breaks away and looks at her curious. Her clothes and hair must be a mess. "Did you sleep here alone? You look disheveled.“  
Rey blushes, thinking of her night spent in his arms. Before she can answer Rose is talking, tugging at Finn’s arm.  
"Told you she is fine. Why should there be any danger to her? Out of all the people here she is the one who can defend herself the best..."  
Finn shakes his head, confused. „I just had a feeling… doesn’t matter.“ They both are already back to bickering, when Rey smiles to herself. "I didn’t spend the night alone. I never have to again…“

**Author's Note:**

> I just love them both sm, okay 😍😭  
> comments and suggestions for improvement are welcome ^^  
> Oh and I'm not english so please be easy on me 😂  
> shoutout to anybody who gets my username ;)


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